Ignoring is an Irresponsible Communication Strategy

Posted by | Filed under Influence, Psychology | Aug 12, 2009 | Tags: , | 7 Comments

When did not communicating become an acceptable way to say ‘I’m not interested?”

images3I first noticed this phenomenon a few years ago from friends applying for jobs.  Whether they applied through Craig’s list or through channels directed by the company it was the same process.  They submitted a resume, cover letter and whatever else was asked for and they never received a reply back.

It’s understandable that if an employer gets 100 resumes there isn’t time to reply to all of them, but some employers don’t even communicate that they have received resumes after requesting them.

Last month I had two potential clients who each solicited me for my services.  I spent at least an hour with each of them and delivered proposals based on the parameters we discussed.  In both cases I received replies to the proposal emails saying, “looks great.  I’ll let you know what our next step is.”

After this neither of them replied to emails or phone calls.  I’m talking about two guys who are each founder/CEO’s of successful companies.  One of them is in the top level of the INC. 500.

What makes people think that being passive/aggressive or disappearing in a professional relationship is acceptable?

Since I do not have the time to add them as clients right now it’s not an issue for my business.  At the same time, as a person who gave time and expertise to them I did expect to to receive a yes or no to the proposals as a common courtesy.  Instead, I’m left assuming that their silence means that they aren’t interested.

I’m a psychologist.  I understand the nature of wanting to avoid conflict or having a hard time saying no to someone.  But if you engage a person’s time for business support and then ask for a proposal which takes further time and work, have the decency to say that you’re not interested or that you decided to take another route.

Close the loop.  Don’t disappear and ignore.  It’s not respectable in personal relationships much less professional ones.

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  • http://socialmediarockstar.com Brett Borders

    Although the higher up in the tree people get, the harder theyare to reach due to overload of messages and responsibilities… I agree not responding to people repeatedly is a bad practice.

  • http://www.apmarketingworks.com.au Ailsa Page

    You raise some good points Brett. Do you think that because we can hide we do? Or are we all just in this ‘burn’ mentality because we have access to a large quantity? Either way thanks for the food for thought!

  • http://www.blindinfluence.com Brett Greene

    Brett, in these cases I’m talking about people who initially contacted me and we had multiple email, phone and at least one in person communications. It had nothing to do with the tree, though your point is valid. They were at the top, they reached out and then they disappeared.

  • http://www.blindinfluence.com Brett Greene

    Alisa, Thanks. I think people are busy and don’t see anything wrong with making a decision to move on without communicating it.

    The problem is that it’s like dating someone for a week, having what seems like a relationship that’s moving forward, and then not returning phone calls, emails or even texting someone to break up with them. One person thinks things are moving forward and then the other other person simply disappears with no communication. Fundamentally I’m sure it comes from a fear of conflict and from being uncomfortable delivering bad news to someone. In a word, it’s ‘chickenshit’ irresponsible behavior.

    Especially in a professional context, you collect information, make decisions and then communicate the decision to all parties involved.

    Imagine working somewhere for two weeks and then you show up for work and security won’t let you in. No one told you you were fired, and when you show up at the building your boss won’t even see you or explain to you how or why you were fired; you simply can’t enter the building, have your phone calls answered or receive a return email. That doesn’t seem right does it?

  • http://www.expansionplus.com Robin

    Bravo to you Brett! I have been in that same boat a few times myself. I don’t quite get that but then The Golden Rule is not used by all is it.
    I am a fan of manners. I’m talking about sincerity.
    I think it’s very hard for a prospect or an acquaintance to say, “I’m really not interested but thanks” or “We can’t do it now” or “You fees are too high” or whatever. I’d rather be told to shove off then be ignored and I think everyone I know feels the same.

    Which brings about another question- Should a sales person completely write-off on a prospect who doesn’t respond in x amount of days after he’s received a great proposal and had that proposal acknowledged? I hate it when attention gets stuck or jammed on that. It leaves less room for creative, forward motion right?

    Thanks for bringing it up. I really enjoyed all your posts.
    Sincerely,
    Robin

  • ihateyou

    You just help to answer one of the reasons why the United States and various other nations where this practice is taking place shall continue to decline. The erosion of business intercommunication and exchange begins when various parties feel it acceptable to ignore others, even in business exchange. There is no excuse for this and indeed it does breed contempt and a deep hatred for the person/organization doing the ignoring. I am often ignored in business as well as in person communication. For me it has created an overall hatred for this entire country in general. The ways in which I have been treated in business is inexcusable but it passes for 'normalcy' these days. America will fall as a result of these types of behaivors. They only help to demonstrate an absolute lack of respect of others, hard work, time and dedication. People lose faith in institutions when they are treated in such a manner. Ethnic minorities fair even worse. When someone ignores you it send s a clear message that you are below them and not worth their time.

    There is no excuse for this kind of ongoing disrespect. What's worse is that is barely spoken of in the media. People tend to excuse this kind of practice and blame the victim of it. Often I hear the old excuse of, "they don't owe you anything". It's quite classic, however when it comes to common courtesy, yeah, they do OWE you something. A reply, even if it is a no thank you. But this society has a serious illness that revolves around disrespecting others. That is why some people go to extreme measures to 'get their respect'. Even at the cost of their own lives. Hence the recent Gym shooter, Columbine and various other unfortunate events. All of these events have an element of disrespect involved. When you treat other living being as though they do not exist you will always have a problem. Not everyone takes years of that kind of treatment lying down.

  • brettgreene

    Thanks for your comment. It's astounding how common courtesy has eroded in society. I haven't been out of the states often enough to know if it's a meme that's shifted globally or not. Hopefully the pendulum will swing back at some point and those of us choosing connection and respect in our relationships will become the majority again.