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Yesterday I attended a conference called the Thin Air Summit.  Most of the participants are bloggers and people into social media.  Interestingly enough, the panel that seemed to affect the audience the most was not on these topics.  The panelists were  Gail Goodwin, Dave Taylor,  and Brian Ibbott.  The topic was the question of what defines success for you.

Think about this for yourself. Are you a success based on the amount of money you earn a year, the amount of material possessions you have, the quality of your possessions, the amount of money you have in the bank, the quality of your character and integrity, the freedom to spend your time as you please, the ability to do work that fulfills you, how well your exercise and discipline has affected your health, how much time a day you spend with your family, the degree to which your life and work impact society in positive ways, or maybe something entirely different.

We all have different answers to this question.  What’s even more interesting to me as a student of human behavior is how we make choices that keep us from this success and happiness.  Once again, our emotions and brain hard wiring work against us in making the best decisions for ourselves.  Not always, but for anyone who isn’t loving what they do and feeling like a success in their life, this is probably true.

In general people play it safe and comfortable rather than stretch themselves into the unknown to build a life of their dreams.  Risk versus reward messes with our minds and our actions.  Then there’s our social conditioning from friends, family, advertising, etc. that tries to define success and happiness for us on their terms.

With all of these contributing factors to defining your success and happiness what’s the best thing you can do?  Try to drop the comparisons.  You already know this, right?  But why don’t you do it most of the time?  Because human brains like to compare things and make choices based on relativity.

This messes us up even more because relativity changes.  When you’re earning $30,000 a year $50,000 a year looks great, but if you’re earning $55,000 a year you think $50,000 isn’t good enough.

I know someone who earns more money in a year than most people will earn in a lifetime.  His wife complains that when they travel on a G4 airplane it’s a rental and all of their friends own their own G4.  Most people would just be happy to travel in a private plane to avoid the airport hassles.  It’s all relative.

By knowing this, I encourage you to define success and happiness by appreciating what you have now.  That’s what you have and what is your reality today.  When you look at what can be better and take actions to create that reality, know that as long as you have an active mind you’re going to compare and usually that means discounting the wealth in all areas of your life that’s already there based on a “grass is greener” fantasy of what life is like for other people.

The people you think have it better than you don’t really.  They have it different than you.  Everything has a cost and a benefit.

The family that looks rich and perfect may not have conversations or loving interactions behind closed doors.  The woman who is a high powered CEO and doesn’t have time to have a romantic relationship may have more money than you and less quality time with friends and family.  The man who earns half your salary but works from home and  sets his own schedule may laugh and play more than you do.  Or not.  You just never know.

You are a success or not based on your definition.  So what makes you happy?  What makes you a success?